


The Last Goodbye

by Ladyli1987



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Byun Baekhyun & Park Chanyeol Friendship, Heavy Angst, Lovesickness, M/M, Major Illness, Park Chanyeol Being an Asshole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:08:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24037885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyli1987/pseuds/Ladyli1987
Summary: A heart broken Baekhyun realises the mistakes of the past won't change his future.Chanyeol regrets what happened those 12 months ago, he never thought he never get chance to say goodbye!
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 10
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Have tissues ready for this!!! i hope you like it and don't send an angry mob with pitchforks!!! I also recommend listening to Baekhyun's OST on the road as you read this ... 
> 
> ...Hides behinds the sofa ❤️

A lone figure stands under a huge white flowering magnolia tree, the very same magnolia tree where he met his best friend! His hands shake as he tries to hold his phone, a phone he will always keep, as it holds the last precious words, his best friend spoke to him! A voicemail of soft whimpers and pleas for him to give that beautiful voice, just 5 minutes for a last goodbye and then he will be out of his life, the final words of if that is what you want, will haunt him for life. He has played that message on loop for the last week, he looks upto the sky, tears freely falling, it's a cold dreary grey afternoon, fitting giving what has just happened! The service was beautiful, lily of the valley, and soft white roses everywhere, he remembers how those tiny flowers, were always a favourite of his best friend. He wished he was lead mourner, sadly he wasn't surprised when his request was met with a furious no, they all knew he lost that right 12 months ago, when he broke that most beautiful fragile heart. A sob escapes him as he falls to his knees, letting the memories of happier times assault him, as he fists the earth beneath him. He doesn't deserve to grieve, not after what he did, how can he, when he let the brightest of lights die without the one thing he wanted most. 

12 Months ago, Baekhyun's POV  
Baekhyun stands in the kitchen humming a tune as he makes a hearty breakfast of scrambled eggs and tofu, smiling as he knows it's a favourite dish of the beautiful man currently sleeping in his bedroom. The twinge in his back, and limp a happy reminder of what occurred last night. He can't believe he finally has had sex with Chanyeol, it's been a dream ever since he developed a crush on his best friend the second year of university. He has been best friends with Chanyeol since the taller boy had saved his lunch from a bully. A firm friendship had formed and they became inseparable, yes they were as different as chalk and cheese! Baekhyun the quiet bookworm, where as Chanyeol was the life of the party, loud, and in Baekhyun's opinion devilishly good looking. He was the one always making sure the giant studied. 

Memories of a stacked torso, lean muscles, and tall athletic legs! Beakhyun blushes at the stamina and impressive length, he had no idea was hiding underneath all those loose pants of Chanyeol's. Giggling like a school girl, he shivers at the memories of last night, no wonder he is so sore. Chanyeol clearly has had many lovers, judging how he expertly plowed in to him. Baekhyun blushes at remembering how loud he screamed. Chanyeol's dirty talk could make a sailor blush, that hungry alpha male look in his eyes, only served to heighten what he hoped was mutual longing, yet a complete contrast to his soft always respectful Yeollie. Chanyeol never gave him reason to believe they would ever be more then friends, that all changed when Baekhyun had thrown caution to the wind, wanting to show Chanyeol exactly what he meant about being more then friends! Baekhyun was overjoyed when his innocent kiss turned into Chanyeol slamming him against a wall, claiming his mouth in a more heated kiss, before practically dragging him to his bedroom. Hearing movement behind him, knowing it to be Chanyeol, as Yixing his roommate is most likely passed out at his boyfriends. Baekhyun turns to face the man he is so desperate to confess his love to, however on turning around his smile falls, the man who worshipped him last night and has been replaced by a stranger, who body language screams devastation! Baekhyun raises his eyes and comes face to face with almost feral, angry eyes, and guilt written all over his best friends face!

"Why does your bedroom smell like sex Baekhyun?" Baekhyun can feel his heartbeat speed up, he has never been called his full name by Chanyeol! Hearing that tone makes his chest ache, any hope for them finally becoming a couple is slipping, the more that he looks at the confusion on Chanyeol's face. It hurts as he notes all the clear disbelief vibrating from his best friend. "Yeollie!" "Don't Yeollie me, tell me that I wasn't coerced in to helping you loose your virginity" "Yeollie, I kissed you first, but" "Save it Baekhyun I know about your little crush, I love you Baekhyun" Baekhyun gasps "But as my best friend, you have been by my side since we were 5 years old, I don't see you as anything more then my best friend!" "Yeollie please don't say that, especially after" Baekhyun can feel the tears forming in his eyes and the clenching of fists, as he is dismissed by a wave of Chanyeol's hand, and his next sentence. "Why Baekhyun, why would you do this to me, I leave for Tokyo in 3 days." Baekhyun lets one tear slip down his face, as his heart shatters.

3 Months ago & Baekhyun's POV  
Crystalline tears fall freely from somber amber eyes, the memory of that morning seems like a lifetime ago, and yet feels like yesterday all at the same time. Baekhyun can feel how his hands are shaking, he remembers how Chanyeol wouldn't hear him out, even after he begged on his knees to just be heard. How all Chanyeol could do, after dropping the bomb about leaving, was ask not to be called or texted! He then just left, leaving him kneeling on his hardwood floor, still there two hours later when Yixing came home. Baekhyun closes his eyes, he remembers how Chanyeol left 3 days later, with out so much of a goodbye, even after Baekhyun had left a sobbing voicemail, pleading for just five minutes. Leaving him with a broken heart, and unrelenting pain in his back, a pain that never went away. 

It was month after Chanyeol left, that Yixing found him, doubled over in pain, broken dishes all over the floor! Yixing had forced him to the doctor, it was only after a series of tests, that the cause of his back pain was discovered. A cancerous mass wrapping round his left kidney, the mass so big it had started to effect his spine, turning his world upside down! Baekhyun knows there is no use in being upset, he knew when his diagnosis was delivered he was running on borrowed time! He runs a finger over the bruise left by his cannula, he knows if he were to roll the sleeves of his much to large borrowed blue dress shirt up, he would fine more bruising on his fore arm, some from collapsed veins that just cannot cope with dialysis anymore, the biggest and most prominent from a cannula that administered a concoction of pain relief and treatment. A treatment that is no longer working, just poisoning him! A scar is also present low on his abdomen, where his doctor removed one of his kidneys, in attempt to prolong his life. 

Baekhyun knows he is dying, removing one of his kidneys, put more pressure on his remaining one, and left him needing constant dialysis. The mass wrapped around his spine is cancerous, sadly chemotherapy and radiation have failed to reduce the size of the mass. Beakhyun had hoped for an operation, that's been prevented thanks to the discovery of a secondary cancerous mass in his stomach. Baekhyun can feel a ghost of smile adorn his chapped lips, he can still hear his best friend Yixing's comment on how he resembles a pin cushion, Yixing had tears in his eyes, as neither of them brought up his decision to stop treatment.

Baekhyun can feel the sweat start to build at the back of his neck, he never liked wearing wigs, but doesn't want to stand out! Not today, he just wants to have one last view of the only man that has a place in his heart. It would be funny in different circumstances, it's not like he's recognisable. What's left of his once thick shiny hair, is now just patches of wiry tuft. He had cried his eyes out on Jongdae, Yixing's partner, when he found clumps of his hair on his pillow, his treatments had finally started to take its toll. Jongdae had instantly hatched a plan to make him feel better, one hour later, the three them had hair that could resemble a rainbow. Baekhyun keeps that ghost of a smile, remembering the last time he saw all his hair it was bright aqua blue, sadly Yixing and Jongdae no longer had their respective pink and blonde hair. 

He glances to the end of the empty pew beside him. There he finds a beautiful setting of pale yellow roses wrapped with a yellow bow, and wrapped with white lily of the valley and baby's breath. He smiles a melancholy smile, his heart shattering even further, yellow roses are Chanyeol's favourite, lily of the valley are his favourite. He tries to suppress the sob he so desperately wants to let out. The flowers exactly what he imagines his best friend would choose, the colour a reflection of the Chanyeol he remembers, bright and happy. Its a perfect setting, a beautiful March day outside too, the cherry blossoms are in full bloom, and the sun is shining. It's perfect day for a wedding. Baekhyun wants so desperately to be happy for his oldest friend, but at the same time he remembers just how desperate he was to get in touch with Chanyeol, he remembers the desperate voicemail, the unanswered DMs. Chanyeol had cut the one to one contact, all his attempts to try had been blocked on social media, so he decided Chanyeol didn't need to know about his cancer, he didn't want Chanyeol to talk to him out of pity. 

Beakhyun tries to suppress the whimpers and wails, desperate for answers from the man who left him on his knees. He feels so stupid and so so selfish, even sitting at the back of the church, he can see Suho, standing to the side of the alter! Handsome, glowing in happines, his navy, no doubt designer suit, a yellow rose button hole high on his lapel. The suit and colours a beautiful contrast to his pale complexion. Baekhyun wishes he could kick himself! He never should of made the first move to kiss Chanyeol all those months ago, and definitely wouldn't of been so bold if Chanyeol had just told him where his heart lied. Is it selfish that he can't bring him self to regret what happened between them, because to him, that night was precious. 

Baekhyun closes his eyes, he shouldn't be here, this is too hard, Yixing will kill him when he finds out he left the apartment, in the condition he is in. Yixing and Jongdae were with him when they discovered the wedding announcement in the paper. The discovery of the announcement had shocked all 3 of them, yes Baekhyun admits his first thought was how could they! He was at the time, undergoing his first bout of radiation therapy. Now though as he looks around the church, he is so glad he begged Yixing and Jongdae to let their sudden anger, and resentment go. A sad smile graces his features, it all makes sense now, the secretive glances, the eye contact, and soft smiles between Chanyeol and Suho. Chanyeol always seemed to calm down in the presence of their friend. How on the day of Chanyeol's departure Suho had turned up to the apartment he shared with Yixing, with puffy eyes and red cheeks. Back then Baekhyun just thought Suho had missed Chanyeol, not even twigging when Suho announced to them, that he too was going to Tokyo. The reason why Suho had gone to Tokyo pretty dam obvious now, he was in love! A love Baekhyun knows he will never get to experience, knowing that the tears he has valiantly tried to stop are seconds from falling, he makes a drastic decision! 

Baekhyun takes a deep breath willing the tears to stay away as he takes one last look at a very handsome Suho. He can't sit here and watch Chanyeol declare love for him, his heart can't take much more. He has to go, this is his closure he knows now the dream of being with Chanyeol is just that, a dream! Chanyeol will never reciprocate his love, it's time to remember Chanyeol for the friend that he was, he will be happy for the newlyweds for whatever time he has left! With a great ache in his heart, he gets up on unsteady feet and silently walks out of the church. 

Completely missing the fact, that Chanyeol had been watching him the entire time.

To be continued.


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is eek! The finale, hope I can come out from behind the sofa now!

One week ago& Chanyeol's POV.  
Chanyeol sits at his computer in his trendy apartment on the outskirts of Tokyo, life is pretty good right now! As long as Chanyeol keeps what he did that night 12 months ago hidden. He keeps that night, along with the last time he saw Baekhyun, who sat alone at the back of the church on his wedding day, locked in a little box! Hidden in the deepest ocean of his heart. A part of him will always hate himself for what he has done, his heart spikes with regret and hatred! He can't believe he did what he did to his bright always supportive Baekhyunnie. His mind is cruel, he only ever gets memories of deathly pale Baekhyun sobbing on his knees. He didn't want to do what he did, looking back he knew full well what he had done, he should never of taken Baekhyun's virginity the way he had, yes Baekhyun kissed him first, but that's no excuse for his lack of control. Chanyeol remembers how he took charged and claimed Baekhyun's mouth with hot desperate kisses, how he dominated the smaller male, and hammered himself into Baekhyun's virgin tight hole. 

Shuddering at the memory of how he was the one in the driving seat, Baekhyun completely submissive to all his pounding. God he should never of let his panic at the thought of losing Junmyeon, cause him to be so so ruthless with the petite mans heart. Chanyeol knows that it was the guilt and panic that led him to be so cruel, he didn't want to blow his chances with Junmyeon, who had finally confessed his own feelings towards him. Chanyeol wanted the educated, and surprisingly funny bunny, however he knows he is in the wrong, even if his mind believed his best friend was going to get in his way. Taking off his classes Chanyeol runs his hand over his forehead, yes he has the love of his life, but it cost him something just as precious, his best friend! He may have the man, the money, it's still lonely with out his best friend, his smile his laughter, how his small friend could light up any atmosphere. Knowing he has been such a fool not just with harsh words, oh no he insanely blocked Baekhyun from all social media! Yes he did it in an effort to prove him self to Junmyeon, not that his amazing forgiving husband ever requested that. Chanyeol rememberers when he sobbed out to his boyfriend about what had happened and what he did, expecting nothing but tears and screams, instead he got a hug and a hand running through his hair the night before he left, conveniently ignoring his vibrating phone. He was elated when the short bunny turned up at his shared apartment here in Tokyo, only days after he left Seoul. Confirming in his heart, that he had found his soulmate. Chanyeol smiles, he did not expect Jun to propose. It was Suho's idea that they announce the wedding in their hometown paper! It hurt when wedding invitations to all their friends, were returned unopened, fuelling the fire that not to reaching out to Baekhyun was for the best. 

Yet hope had bloomed when he saw his friend at his wedding, Chanyeol can now admit he was to afraid to approach him, instead chose to watch as an admittedly very venerable looking Baekhyun, who appeared to find even sitting there painful! He was about to approach him, when the petite man upped and left. Passing him with a very strange almost lopsided hair style. Shaking his head, it's no use thinking of the what ifs, when he needs to concentrate on his work! He loves working as an executive assistant to one of the partners of an investment bank. Yes the work is hard and long, but the bonuses make up for it, hearing the key in the door he smiles, it's rare that both he and his husband are home together at the same time. He stops working on the office budget and heads towards the kitchen. Calling out "Babe, did your father give you the evening off," he stops dead in his tracks, when he sees his husband looking rather stressed and sad, getting out a wedding gift of a rare bottle of Japanese whiskey, and 3 tumblers!

Chanyeol watches as his husband sits at their Kitchen Island, as he pours three glasses with the whiskey. Concern filling his heart, he takes the first good look at his husband's normally serene face, it's sporting a range of emotions he wouldn't normally associate with his man. "Jun, baby whats wrong, you look like someone has killed a puppy!" Chanyeol watches as his husband picks a tumbler full of amber coloured liquid and just knocks it straight back! Completely floored by the love of his life's statement "when did we become so wrapped up in our happiness, that we ignored someone precious, when they needed us most?" Chanyeol doesn't understand where the statement has come from A sudden image of Bakehyun, flashes in his mind along with it a sudden searing burn in his heart! Shaking himself of the image, right now he needs to focus on his partner who has never looked so despondent! He watches as his precious heart takes a seat at the island, tears clearly brimming in his eyes. "Darling, what an on earth is going on?" "Channie, we have a guest arriving in about ten minutes I think it's better coming from them" not happy to be entertaining guest, when his bunny looks so lost, sad and guilty. Chanyeol approaches his bunny taking the seat "Baby your scaring me what's going on" he hears the faint knock on the door, at the same time he hears a quiet sniffle. Knowing how his bunny hates leaving people waiting Chanyeol heads to the door, getting the shock of his life "Hey Chan, can I come in!"

Chanyeol has to do a double take, he never expected to have the man in front of him as a visitor. He can't help but notice how similar Jongdae looks to his husband. Jongdae looks exhausted, with red rimmed eyes. Chanyeol remembers how Jongdae always had a preppy style, so seeing him in black jeans and a hoodie is odd. "Chen, I didn't think I see you here" the sharp intake he hears and the sudden blaze of anger he sees in Jongdae's eyes, has him instantly backtracking. Chanyeol knows he shouldn't have such hostility, to the man who was once his husbands best friend. "I'm sorry Chen, that was rude of me," Chanyeol doesn't get chance to say much more, "Chen is coming over with some news that you want to here Chanyeol, so please try to keep the hostility away!" Stepping aside Chanyeol watches as Suho pats Jongdae on the arm, before ushering him inside.

Chanyeol follows them to the kitchen and watches as Jongdae is passed a tumbler of whiskey, he doesn't drink it yet, just smiles at Suho. Chanyeol watches as Suho takes a seat next to Jongdae, both have despair written on their features. "Junnie, your scaring me, what do you mean by being wrapped up in our own happiness?" Chanyeol watches as Chen speaks up "sadly that's why I am here, believe me I wish it was under different circumstances." Chanyeol watches as Chen hands him a letter. "Trust me I wouldn't be here, Yixing will kill me when I return, but you need to know" Chanyeol takes the letter, a gasp escaping when he sees the handwriting, he looks up and looks eyes with Jongdae, who nods to open the letter. Chanyeol feels his husband hand on his back and feels a feather like kiss on his shoulder! He has a sinking feeling in his stomach, the content of this letter is not going to be kind. Breathing in deep so he can get much needed oxygen, he slowly opens the letter.

Chanyeol,   
How to start this, I guess the first thing I should say is, I don't want you to be sad. I can already picture your nose scrunching up in confusion, remember how I would tease you about the wind changing. I can still picture each time you would scrunch your face up more, before we both would dissolve into fits of giggles. 

I miss the laughs we had, the midnight pizzas we would share when we went out drinking with Chen, how you both would laugh at my inability to hold my liquor. I have so many good memories, I know you probably don't want to here it, but that night we shared it's my favourite, despite how it ended I felt so happy, in fact the happiest I have ever known.

Your cruel words broke my heart! Did you know I stayed on my knees for two whole hours, foolish in my belief, you would come back. My heart broke further when you blocked my attempts to reach out. Oh Yeol, my world has turned up side down in your absence, yes I know i shouldn't but I would of given my soul to see your face, hear your voice. I won't lie I hated you for a little while, I hated my self too. I was with Yixing, when we read about your wedding to Suho, I think that's what I struggled with most, I was supposed to be your best friend, yet had no idea how each of you felt. I promise had I known your were in love with Junnmyeon, I would never of made the first step to kiss you that night. I only ever wanted you to be happy.

I made Yixing so mad the day of your wedding, honestly I was foolish and it has cost me more time. I know your confused, I am getting there, but yes I snuck in to your wedding, I didn't stay long, just long enough to understand you never felt more then friendship for me, and I'm ok with that because I know your happy, that's all I wanted Channie. Junmyeon looked so handsome in his suit, it was such a beautiful setting! Please treat him well, you know he can be so sensitive, I hope he can put up with your snoring! 

Your probably wondering why I'm rambling on, i promised myself when I found out just how sick I was, that I wouldn't reach out, I didn't want your pity, now I know how immature that is. There is no easy way to say this, i have a cancerous tumour on my spine, its also attached to my kidney which was removed. I have been dealt a cruel fate, for I do not have long I have been told it could be a couple weeks, doubtful it will be more then a month. I have secondary cancer in my stomach, no one else knows at the moment that it is also in my bones. I'm not afraid to die, I'm afraid to die hating you Chanyeol, I made a wish on our magnolia tree, like we have done countless times. Do you want to know what I wished for, my wish is to see you standing under our magnolia tree just one more time.

If your reading this, it's because I was to much of a coward to actually post this, Jongdae no doubt has found it in my belongings and your sat with him now. No doubt your full of questions, please I didn't want you to remember me sick and at deaths door it's not a pretty sight. Please Yeollie do one thing for me don't cry or despair over my fate, I'm finally at peace, just promise me you will live life to the fullest for us both.   
Your Baekhyunnie 

Chanyeol can only raise his eyes to Jongdae who also has tears running down his cheeks, it's all the confirmation he needs before he lets out a sob. He doesn't notice how his ever supportive husband, wraps him in a comforting embrace. "When," Chanyeol croaks outa as he watches as a tear falls down Jongdae's face, "I'm so sorry Chanyeol, Baekhyun died two days ago!" "How long had he known he was dying" "about a month after you left, Yixing found him doubled over the sink surrounded by broken plates, Xing forced him to the doctor, 2 weeks later he got diagnosed with Cancer." All he can do is hold tight to the arms around him, now he understands why his husband came home so ashen and defeated. "Jongdae, please tell me he didn't die alone," Chanyeol watches Jongdae as he throws back the whiskey, and takes a deep breath. "No he died in Yixing's arms, Yixing refuses to talk about it, we took shifts so he was never alone, I was at home resting, when he passed!"

Chanyeol lets the tears he has tried to suppress flow, what has he done. He watches las his love strokes his cheeks, his own tears are falling, he can feel his heartbeat in his ears. He grabs hold of his husband, not caring that Jongdae is watching them, his tiny husband shoulders are shaking. He pulls Suho closer as he hears a whisper "we did this Channie, we broke his heart!" Chanyeol closes his eyes, "No baby, you didn't do this, Baekhyun being in pain is all on me." It may of been the cancer that killed Baekhyun physically, Baekhyun's heart break, this is all on him. The self loathing and regret rising within him, has him gently push his husband away. Stopping only when he hears Jongdae speak "I owe you an apology Chanyeol, I shouldn't of been so stubborn, I should of reached out to you months ago. All Baekhyun wanted was to see you, and hear your voice." Baekhyun's death has taught me that life is too short, and he wouldn't want us to continue on like we have. I think that's why he kept being so ill from you, he wanted to spare you the pain of watching him deteriorate." It's all it takes for his heart to shatter as he collapses to his knees on his marble floor.

Present time  
A lone figure stands under a huge white flowering magnolia tree, the very same magnolia tree where he met his best friend! His hands shake as he tries to hold his phone, a phone he will always keep, as it holds the last precious words, his best friend spoke to him! A voicemail of soft whimpers and pleas for him to give that beautiful voice, just 5 minutes for a last goodbye and then he will be out of his life, the final words of if that is what you want, will haunt him for life. He has played that message on loop for the last week, he looks upto the sky, tears freely falling, it's a cold dreary grey afternoon, fitting giving what has just happened! The service was beautiful, lily of the valley, and soft white roses everywhere, he remembers how those tiny flowers, were always a favourite of his best friend. He wished he was lead mourner, sadly he wasn't surprised when his request was met with a furious no, they all knew he lost that right 12 months ago, when he broke that most beautiful fragile heart. A sob escapes him as he falls to his knees, letting the memories of happier times assault him, as he fists the earth beneath him. He doesn't deserve to grieve, not after what he did, how can he, when he let the brightest of lights die without the one thing he wanted most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo how was it everyone, I know it's not my usual style and many will wish they reconciled, but when I thought of this idea, I always intend for it be sad, essentially Chanyeol's actions have consequences and in this forgiveness is not granted 
> 
> I can't wait for feedback, just be kind and constructive not mean.
> 
> Thank you again for taking the time to read this 💜💜💜


End file.
